Saturday, 18 May 2013

Fully Institutionalised

All the negative points about spending nearly 4 months in hospital seem to be submerged by this overriding notion that i've just spent 4 months improving my life. Yes hospitals drag, but every day has been filled with some exciting riddle of how to make things better. It's hugely satisfying. 

It's been exciting, its been interesting, its been confusing, its been tedious, its been frustrating, it's been upsetting and it's been uplifting too, but every little thing (no matter how big or small) has needed to be figured out and fixed, and so i've felt like House for 4 months. Obviously not as old, suave, irritating (questionable), or brilliant, but I find it scarily fun trying to work out how to solve these new riddles my little bod has been presenting me with. I know that's the doctors' job, but i'm not a passive patient. Passive patients are lame. 

The most boring part was when I was on plasmapheresis, because that was just a 2 week waiting game.  But even this long Brompton stint has been a learning curve - my body has changed, new bugs, new hurdles, new complications, new organs to contend with and look after. I've found a huge sense of satisfaction at viewing this as a massive total body rehab, suddenly the tedium of going to the gym has been replaced by this craving for self improvement - I want to leave the best I possibly can, everything as sparkly as my new additions. I was also determined not to leave this joint not feeling good - there's no point spending 9,849,600 seconds in an institutionalised bubble to leave thinking 'what was the point'. After a million seconds they all seem the same. What's another million?

Leaving this structured institution will unleash a whole new can of worms. Such as the 'Where Is The Tea Trolley' worm, the 'Why Is Dinner Not At 6' worm, and the 'Hang On, I Have To Make It Myself?' worm. But they will somehow be overcome. It may take another 4 months, but I suppose it's like a break-up, i'll get over it eventually. Or I won't, and you'll find me either catching coughs or stealing stuff to end up back in a place where real life is non-existant and there very well may be bars over the windows. 

So yeah it's exciting but also scary, maybe it's suddenly being presented with time, space, reasonable health and an Alladin's cave of options that is the most scary. And I do leave with health - a lot of it. My lung function is only down 15% from my stable best (ever), and without any other liver or diabetic problems and complications to contend with, i'm pretty super chuffed. It's unreal. (Is that all I can think of to write?! Yes. Words suck at this.) As they say, the world is now my oyster, and with a free oyster card, I have a bloody good oyster to explore! Funny... i'm not allowed to eat oysters.